07 April 2008
The last time the Avs were in the playoffs, sports blogs were still in their infancy and I hardly knew any Stars or Ducks fans so worrying about trash-talk was something I didn't have to worry about.
But now sports blogs have exploded, and plenty of misguided Wild fans will make their way here, possibly opening their eyes to a whole new world of hockey. I know I am going to make my way over to Wild Blogs to talk about the games, and inevitably I will trash talk them as well. Trash-talk is probable (Not only am I going to throw the first stone, I'm coming out with a full-fledged ambush in this post. Get ready for a Wild ride (pun intended!)). so here's a simple guide to the proper way to trash-talk without making yourself look like a total asshole. So here's Jibble_cribbits rules of blog-to-blog (or commenter-to-blog) trash-talk:
Rule #1: Don't be a dick: There's no reason to get nasty. Remember, nothing you say will affect any of the games at all. There's no reason to "get inside their heads" or anything like that. All ribbing should be fun, light-hearted and the sole purpose of eliciting a smile/chuckle. Besides between Chris Simon and the 'Roid Rage potential of Sean Hill this isn't the team to piss off anyways. Those two might hunt you down.
Rule #2: Keep it original: "Wild Sucks" is not an acceptable taunt (for you Wild fans out there, neither is "Avs suck"). I mean you don't have to come up with something great, but if you are going to take the time to go to an opponents blog and insult them, at least take the time to come up with an original thought. See even above I reverted to the "Simon is a goon/ Hill did roids" jokes, but at least there was an attempt for originality.
Rule #3: We are all biased: No matter how objective I try to be, I see things through Burgundy and Blue. I have a biased opinion. Wild fans see things through Green and Red tinted glasses. If you are having trouble understanding that you can think of Wild tinted glasses as a mix of Christmas colors and beer goggles. There are going to be calls/incidents that we see differently. Hell we couldn't even get through an almost meaningless regular season finale without Wilds fans and Avs fans seeing the same incident in a completely different light, a playoff series has no chances at objectivity. Please remember this when you come here/go there.
Rule #4 The amount of time you must wait before gloating about a big win is proportional to the amount of pre-game trash-talk you do AND the devestating nature of the loss :
This is basically a 2-part rule.
part-a) If you weren't willing to put your pride on the line by trash-talking (in a fun way) before a game, no gloating when you win. Conversely if you DO trash-talk before a game, expect gloating.
part-b) If a loss is particularly devastating, like a blown 3-goal lead, or a series clincher or something, the person on the losing end is going to be mad and hurt. This is not the time to gloat. Wait some time before rubbing it in, and remember the more devastating the loss the longer you should wait.
Rule #5 Serious injuries aren't funny: Any serious injury isn't funny. And an injury only becomes funny when you know a person is going to be ok. However using non-serious ailments to make fun of opposing players IS funny, like this : Martin Skoula- doubtful (fallopian tubes)
Rule #6 Avoid the papers comments/and official message boards: You won't find a more wretched hive of scum and villiany anywhere in the Galaxy than you will at official boards and Newspaper comments, well except in Joe Louis Arena. Avoid them at all costs. Trolls lurk there.
Rule #7- Don't feed the Trolls: Not everyone is going to follow these rules. In fact some people like to make a habit of going to boards for the sole purpose of pissing people off. Remember, ignoreing them is the best way to make them go away. They are looking for reactions.
Disclaimer: I will delete any comment here I think is offensive, or trolling. This includes comments by Avs or Wild fans alike
Follow those rules and you should be in good shape and not cause any major commotion. Here's some Wild Blogs to test it out on:
Wild Puck Banter
18,568 Reasons Why
Land of Lakes Hockey
Deuce by Definition
Hitting the Post
Wild view from section 216
Ok now that the general rules are out of the way here's some things to keep in mind when talking to Wild fans:
♦They are going to bring this up, constantly. One counter-argument is to bring up that at least the Avs franchises defining moment isn't a first-round playoff victory.
♦That's not fair, the Minnesota franchise DID win a bona fide Stanley Cup, they just waited until they moved to Dallas to do it. (And yes it's been an acceptable amount of time to bring this up. I am not violating Rule #4b. Neither are Wild fans that bring up the above goal by Brunette)
♦ They are using Martin Skoula to help them win games. This worked out so well for the Avs that Minnesota decided to give it a try
♦ They play boring hockey. So boring that even the jokes about their hockey are boring
♦ Chris Simon (another former Avs) is in Minnesota, home of lumberjacks. It's really like this stuff writes itself sometimes
♦ The "Wild" goes right up their with "Houston Texans", "Utah Jazz", "Memphis Grizzlies" "Tampa Bay Rays", and "Kansas City Wiz" in the pantheon of Most completely ridiculous professional sports team nicknames. Why didn't they name their franchise something cool like when they used to have the Northstars. Whatever happened to them by the way?
♦ They look like Christmas Trees in their red uniforms.
♦ They have heard every "Wild" pun in the book. Those puns are lame and will annoy the hell out of Wild fans.. use them regularly! Remember if they didn't want stupid annoying puns, they wouldn't have chosen a stupid annoying franchise name.
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