10 May 2010
My freshman year of college I was randomly assigned to a dorm room. It happened to be on the only all-guys floor on the entire campus dorm system. Needless to say, this was also the most boring floor on campus, as no one was ever in their room. If Phoenix moves to Winnipeg and joins the Northwest, and the Canucks move to the Pacific, the Avs would be on thehockey-equivalent to the only all-guys floor.
If you're wondering why a team might move to Winnipeg here's a long story shortened with the Phoenix ownership situation:
Reinsdorf out, Ice Edge in. If Ice Edge can't come to a deal with the City of Glendale, the team is moving back to Winnipeg.
If you want more details in this fiasco Five for Howling has an excellent recap. The part I'm focusing on is the real (albeit still very long-shot) chance that the team could move to Winnipeg.
If Vancouver moves to the Pacific here's what that means for Colorado: Colorado is stuck in the most personality-less division in the NHL
So here's my plea to the NHL: For the Love of God, If this does happen please move Colorado, not Vancouver, to the Pacific Division.
More after the jump
I realize there's some downsides to being moved to the Pacific: later start times, a total lack of mainstream hockey media attention (not always a bad thing), an incredibly tougher division. And yes those are all very real concerns, but frankly I don't care.
The Northwest, as it currently stands, is already the least captivating division in the league, and it's getting worse (Thanks Sutter Bros). For god's sakes the Sedin Twins have some of the most dynamic personalities in the division. Adding Phoenix/Winnipeg is only going to make it watching-paint-dry boring. (Let's not forget, Tippett is a master of the trap as well.) In fact, if the NHL were going to realign with Minnesota, Edmonton, Calgary and Winnipeg/PHX in the same division they would be well served to just adopt the Florida Panthers and call it the Ann Veal division. Would all 5 teams whine about the travel? of course, but who cares about those 5 franchises. Let's take a look at the teams that would make up a re-aligned Northwest shall we:
Minnesota: Their entire franchise indentity has traditionally been based based on the trap, Derek Boogard and Marion Gaborik's groin. Any personality they do get, like Andrew Brunette, is promptly assimilated into the Wild collective. There's talk of Minnesota getting the winter classic, and I find this insane. The only people clamoring for this are people who haven't watched the Wild play. They have beautiful, unique colors and they still managed to make dull sweaters. Their third sweater is interesting in a "My god who the hell gave you that ugly thing for Christmas"kind of way. The 6 games against the Avs are easily numbers 77-82 on my anticipation scale. How a great city like Minneapolis-St. Paul can have a hockey team this bland is beyond me. No wonder one of their colors is vanilla.
Edmonton: Still basking in the excitement of the 80s heyday. Quickly, name 3 players on Edmonton whose name isn't Sheldon Souray (and he wants out). Look I'm having a hard time, and I watch them play 6 times a season. There's Cogliano and... uhhh... Grebeshkov right? (nope traded to Nashville). Dustin Penner. Does Dustin Penner's contract count as a 3rd? Hey Mike Comrie... that counts. Never mind I thought of him because of Hillary Duff.
Personality goes out of it's way to get out of Edmonton these days. Souray: Wants out. Heatly and Pronger: No way in hell. This team has so much personality that an Edmonton blogger documented every scoring chance this season.... for the Avalanche.
Calgary: Finally we have a team with a little personality. Let's call that personality "Jarome Iginla". As early as this season the Flames were an effective heel. Dion Phaneuf is easy to hate. Olli Jokinen was easy to make fun of. There was really something there that was at the very least interesting. And the Avs and Flames had budding rivalry going. But then Darryl Sutter went and traded for Leafs cast-offs and all that. Matt Stajan just really isn't all that captivating. Sure I'll get to make fun of his contract, but there's just not much to find interesting in Calgary anymore. Besides Flames fans are more concerned with making fun of Edmonton than the Avs.
Winnipeg: The only thing really captivating about is the ownership situation. Take all that away and you've got Dave Tippett, Ilya Bryzgolov and a whole bunch of "Wait, whose that?". Yes I realize Keith Yandle is a hell of a hockey player, but he's been ignored because he's in Phoenix. Moving to Winnipeg isn't exactly going to put him on the radar. And no offense to Winnipeg, but the most fascinating thing you ever gave us was the White-out... which was just a reaction to the Calgary Red-Out.
So this could end up being the most boring division ever, and frankly I don't want the Avs going there. Vancouver doesn't deserve that fate either: I mean they have Green-men, Sedin Twins, Luongo and the whole Burrows conspiracy. They are entertaining at the very least. But if it's between us and them... fuck off Vancouver, you guys can get the all-male dorm.