19 January 2010
Those rapscallions over at Melt Your Face Off, have inspired me. You see the Melt Your Face-Off guys started a "welcome back" program to help ease football fans jump on the bandwagon for their local hockey team, since football fans now have an extra 11 minutes of downtime every single week. MYFO did one for every single city/area that has both football teams and hockey teams, and the football team isn't playing, and here's what they wrote up for Broncos fans:
Welcome back BRONCOS FANS! You really didn't think Kyle Orton was the answer, did you? Anyway, it's time to turn our back on Invesco Field (Lord knows Brandon Marshall has) and focus on the Colorado Avalanche. Jibblescribbits could do this better, but we'll try our best. Shockingly, the Avs are only one spot behind San Jose in the West, with no thanks to those sellouts Sakic and Forsberg. A red-hot October (10-2-2) started things off well, with - and I can't believe I am about to type this - Craig Anderson's sparkling play in net making it all possible. (I once wrote a killer Matrix post about Mr. Anderson, but our damned archives are still shot to hell.) The Avs are enjoying the Youth Movement that many of their Western rivals have jumped on, as 18-year old Matt Duchene has 13 goals to date, trailing only Wolski and Hejduk. Adam Foote is a notable presence in the locker room, mainly because the ossification of bones comes with an unmistakable stench.
Yes I just quoted and linked to a site that links back to me. This is known as the blogging möbius strip maneuver. I'm a professional, don't try this at home.
More after the jump
This got me thinking, with an Avalanche team in first place and many fans coming back to the team for the first time in a while, I'm going to give those Broncos Bandwagon hoppers some helpful notes for those looking to follow the avs now that the Donkeys are done until next August..
- Don't boo #6. That's not Jay Cutler, that's Derek Peltier. He's a seldom used rookie defenseman. It really wouldn't be nice
- The Avalanche are the youngest team in the league. They have, by my count, 9 players having their first full seasons. They have 13 players under 25.
- Learn these names: Duchene, Stewart, Stasnty, Quincy and Anderson. They are studs.
- #15 is exactly like Brandon Marshall. Well except he plays balls-to-the-wall, has a great attitude, is willing to drop the gloves and reminds me, a lot, of Dan Hinote. So he actually has nothing in common with Brandon Marshal.
-Actually #25, Chris Stewart plays like Marshall. Big, Strong, tough and fast. Of course, he doesn't have an attitude problem and isn't a gigantic baby, so Stewart's kinda what everyone wishes Brandon Marshall would be. In short: he's a team-first devastating force of nature.
- The lack of commercial breaks after every single stoppage of play is a good thing. It's just an adjustment you will have to make. Learn to hold it for 5 minutes.
- The Avs, like the Broncos, have lost a few of their top offensive players from last season (Sakic and Smyth). But the new Avs management was able to cut ties with them without pissing them off royally and turning it into a carnival sideshow. Josh McDaniels could take notes here.
- Here's something the Avs haven't accomplished; losing more than 3 in a row. That's something the Broncos were able to accomplish twice in only 16 games.
- I know most bandwagon fans aren't really familiar with the new Avs, so here's some new Avs you may not be familiar with, and players from classic Avs team who they might remind you of:
Matt Hendricks :: Dan Hinote
Ryan O'Reilly :: Stephane Yelle (with better hands)
Kyle Quincey :: a poor man's Rob Blake
TJ Galiardi :: Mike Keane (with a better shot)
Chris Stewart :: Adam Deadmarsh
Kyle Cumiskey :: Sandis Ozolinsh
Matt Duchene :: a young Peter Forsberg (that's right. I said it) without the nastyness
- The season's not over yet, but I will bet money that the Avs don't hemorrhage assistant coaches for no apparent reason this offseason.
- The Avs don't have anyone with cool names like "Elvis" or "Champ" the Broncos actually have the Avs beat in that department.
- Sorry, now you have to deal with Mark Kiszla pretending like he knows something about hockey, instead of pretending he knows something about football.
- The Broncos signed Philly's heart and soul player after they thought he was too old (Brian Dawkins). The Avs let their heart and soul player (Ian Laperriere) get away.
- The Avs will have no all-stars this season, mainly because there's no All-star break. If there was, these guys would be candidates:
- Paul Stastny
- Wojtek Wolski
- Craig Anderson
- Kyle Quincey
- Chris Stewart
- The Wolski-Stastny-Stewart line REALLY needs a kickass nickname. Can we use "the Three Amigos" with apologies to Nattiel, Johnson, and Jackson of course?At least until we find a suitable one?
- #7 isn't actually retired, but it's kind of cursed for the Avs. This does not give you an excuse to wear a #7 ELWAY Unipron with a Captain's C to the Can. I'm looking directly at you guy from Joe Sakic night who wore that atrocity of nature Oct 1.
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